*contented sigh*

Oh. My. Goodness.
Being back on Effexor (even the extremely low dosage I'm on) is like slipping into your favorite PJ's, ordering in, and eating in front of the TV with good friends after a long long day of dealing with crazy people. Oh how I've missed being sane and happy.

At my prenatal checkup/ultrasound with one of my favorite doctors yesterday, we confirmed the sex of our baby (a girl!) and her health (YES!)and then discussed my increasing depression and anxiety. She suggested that I go back on the very low starter dose of Effexor because sometimes you just have to accept that you get stuck with the bad serotonin gene. She assured us that the risk is minimal and to be safe I would have to stop taking it two weeks before my due date. I took a dose today and can already notice the difference. I'm not trapped in my bed, worried about everything, crying and miserable. I'm not just hanging in there with an optimistic attitude, I'm ready to go!

I ordered my SI lock so that I don't have the excuse of pain keeping me from getting around. I ordered a maternity bathing suit (UGH! I'm so vain and those things are so ugly) and tonight, I'm going to go to the Y to sign up for water aerobic classes. I will be healthy! I will be happy! And most of all, I will be drugged!

I know that due dates are tricky things and that there may be no guarantee that I'll have time to stop taking Effexor before she's born and I know that this has a chance of making things difficult for her blood oxygen rate and that she may be irritable (much like her mother). I also have to weigh in the quality of life factor for myself and my family. I have become increasingly withdrawn and irritable and anxious since I have been weened off of my meds. Caring for myself wasn't exactly on my priority list, which means caring for my unborn child. Eating was a struggle, every decision was a struggle. How can that be healthy? So yes, right now, I'm making what may seem like a selfish decision to take meds so that I'll be happy (sane really). It's also going to make life easier on my husband and daughter. I'll no longer be the hermit in the bedroom, weeping and clinging. I'll be the fully functional mother, cooking, cleaning, and participating in life. I'll also be the one praying for the continued health of my unborn girl.